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To Stay or not To Stay (at Home with the Babies)
by Karen Pruitt Fowler

There are many benefits to being a stay-at-home-mom with two small children. There is more time for laundry, I get to sleep in frequently, and I spend my afternoons eating brownies and watching Soaps. I also spend more time with my husband cuddling on the sofa. Okay, so not only are those bonuses entirely impossible, but they could never compare to the precious moments I spend with my children watching them blossom. Witnessing every accomplishment, encouraging them, and being the one to receive all their hugs and kisses is priceless. There is one thing I have gained from motherhood, something that I would have never thought, and something I am profoundly grateful for- a more creative me.

Since the birth of my daughter, when I decided to stay at home full-time, the creative side of me has all but taken over. Mostly I write, but I have started scrap-booking, I’ve designed a few web-sites, and I’ve re-done old furniture for the children’s rooms complete with hand-painted designs. I conjure up story ideas while chasing my son around. I decide on plotting while nursing my daughter. . In the infinite possibilities of my children’s’ futures, I see story ideas. In them, everything has become possible. There is no limit to the number of ideas locked away in my mind, just begging to be set free.

This is not to say I have more free time since I no longer work outside of my home. Actually, I have less free time now than ever before. It is sometimes overwhelming, as I don’t have time to sit and transcribe every idea to paper. I have several things in the works: a novel in progress, a collection of thematically linked short stories (only one of which has been partially written), a number of poems, and a tidy stack of greeting card verses just waiting to be submitted somewhere. Finding the time to market my completed works has proved to be very daunting. I try to organize submissions and guidelines, but my son is constantly rearranging things for me. Tucked safely in high places around my house you will find notepads with various ideas scribbled down, painting supplies, strips of sandpaper and anything else necessary to further my creative endeavors.

I owe all of my wonderful creative chaos to my children. Without their miraculous intervention, I would be a different and more boring person. I never would have imagined myself embarking on a career in writing before I had them. When I married I knew we would have children, but I conveniently neglected to plan how I would manage a career and a family. With two children less than sixteen months of age, placing them in costly daycare was not the answer, as I did not earn enough to make that feasible.

I had no real career to speak of anyway. Before the birth of my first child I was enrolled in college and working two full-time jobs as an animal emergency room nurse. I quit one job and trimmed my work schedule back drastically the first time I was pregnant, because my son kept threatening to arrive early. Then when I found myself fighting debilitating morning sickness while tending to a three-month-old I quit entirely. Sleep deprivation is bad enough when you are a new parent, but the added strains of a repeat pregnancy was just more than I could handle.

Had I not had children, I would have completed my college course load, and today would be sitting in a big plush chair listening to other people’s problems and feelings – as a Psychologist. Instead, I sit at my desk in a reasonably uncomfortable chair, and attempt to peck through my own problems and thoughts- all while my son tries to disassemble the computer. I would have missed my chance to discover the joys of motherhood and to discover the creative side to myself. My children have opened up a new path for me, and I am positive this is the perfect one for me. I now know why I changed majors so many times, subconsciously I knew those other career paths were not right for me. That dream job existed; I just didn’t know what it was.

Sure, women that decide to stay at home with their children are making some sacrifices. They may be giving up a lucrative career, they may loose some self esteem that conversing with adults can provide, they may even loose a substantial part of the family’s income. There are benefits too, as many that have decided to stay home already know. To offset those losses, there are immeasurable gains. You will witness first moments that will never happen again, you’ll see the world through your child’s eyes, all bright and new, and you may even gain something for yourself. I decide to stay home for the children’s sake, and wound up a better, more creative person for it. I now thrive happily in my self-actualized world, where I once plugged through each day dreading the next.

To make a living from writing would be nice, but that is not why I do it. I write because I like it, I write because I feel I have to. It is something that must be done. Most importantly, I write for myself – and that is all I need. That, and of course the sweet coos of my daughter, and the mischievous look on my son’s face. I’ll take a house full of children, and my pen and notebook any day to an office cubicle, long hours and a daily commute.

Karen Fowler is a freelance writer and a SAHM of two children. She writes fiction under the pen name Elizabeth Raye (visit her site www.elizabethraye.com ) and is the new Infertility host on BellaOnline (visit this site at www.infertility.bellaonline.com/Site.asp). She lives in Eastern Virginia with her family and contributes regularly to local and regional publications.

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